This is Part 2 of a three-part series
How often do you feel the fear of not being good enough?
This fear is at the root of many of the emotional themes we experience in our lives.
An emotional theme is a recurring emotional state, which is often triggered by an event or situation.
The fear of not being good enough can cause anger, frustration, anxiety, depression, and a sense of needing to control situations or individuals in our lives.
Sadly, most humans will relive these emotional themes until they die, because they are unaware of how to address the hidden fears which cause the emotions.
First things first – it is important to understand that there is nothing wrong with any emotion, for these feelings are what make us human.
However, when we experience emotional themes without actually processing and releasing them, we accumulate psychological and physiological stress, causing us to age faster and to experience ailments and sickness in our bodies.
The accumulation of such stress also causes big problems in our relationships.
Let us take the following example into consideration to help us change our relationship with the emotional themes in our lives.
Example: Your spouse/life partner wants to spend a few days away with friends. He/she feels the need to cut loose and take a break from relationship and household responsibilities for a few days because he/she has been working really hard lately, and just needs to unwind and relieve some stress.
You know that there will be other attractive males and females at this weekend gathering, and there is one person in particular who makes you feel a bit threatened and insecure.
You cannot bear the thought of your partner spending a weekend with this person. You fear that there will be an attraction, and that you will not be there to interfere or control that attraction.
You tell your partner that they cannot go to the gathering. You convince them that it would be irresponsible or unloving for them to go have some time away for themselves.
Your partner now feels frustrated by your controlling behavior, but you refuse to admit that you are controlling the situation. Instead, you place blame on your partner.
You refuse to admit your own fear-based behavior, because you are embarrassed of your deep insecurity which is causing the controlling behavior.
Every human has some insecurity by which they are embarrassed. You are not alone.
But it is not healthy to control people or situations like this. You have to change if you want health, happiness, and genuine intimacy with another person.
Maybe it is a bit of a leap to tell your partner about your insecurity. Besides – it is not your partner’s responsibility to heal your fears. That is personal work only you can do for yourself.
If you keep hiding this fear from yourself, you will continue to control your partner and various situations, and this will lead to an unhealthy relationship and a depressingly miserable existence.
For your own peace, empowerment, and balance, you have got to be willing to admit your fears to yourself.
Try this:
1.Grab a journal and pen and go into a secluded place – alone.
2.Recall the earliest time in your life when you felt jealousy or inferiority; a time when you really just felt not good enough.
3.Bring all of your awareness into that memory until your consciousness seems to merge with the consciousness of this younger version of yourself. It will feel like your adult-self and child-self become one.
4.Allow the younger version of yourself to show you exactly how he/she felt during this memory.
5.Allow yourself to emote – whether crying, screaming, or even throwing or punching a pillow. It is OK to have such strong emotion, for every single person on Earth carries some form of anger and pain like this. By allowing yourself to feel it, you are taking steps to heal it.
6.Once the emotions seems to naturally calm down, look into the eyes of this younger version of yourself and ask him/her what he/she needs.
7.Wait for the younger version of yourself to answer. You will know the younger you is giving you the answer because he/she will use a child’s words instead of an adult’s words.
8.You may be surprised at the request this younger version/inner child aspect of yourself makes. It may be something very simple, or some activity that you have not engaged in since you were a kid.
9.Honor your inner child’s request.
10.Rinse and repeat every time you feel triggered into a heavy emotion of inferiority.
This is a very important process to unlock authentic self-love.
It may seem silly, but it is a process utilized by the most effective therapists and trauma-healed patients today.
We will explore more on emotional themes next week.